No Word for Vulnerability
There is no word for vulnerability in Japanese, it translates instead as "weakness" - and doesn't that say it all about our collective reluctance to be vulnerable.
I learned this revealing quirk of modern language from my friend Yukari Oyama Peerless who in addition to being a sought after Japanese/English interpreter, also does group work with women on issues around weakness and shame.
Reluctance, weakness, and shame reinforce each other:
We are reluctant to ask for help because in a Western, individualistic society, it is seen as weak. Especially for men, but for all genders.
When we don't ask for help, things usually get worse.
When things get worse, we cannot ask for help because we are ashamed of our situation.
And around and around we go until "the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world" (Yeats)
For example: You are being mistreated at work but don't say anything lest you be ostracized from the group. You start showing signs of anxiety and depression and despite pleas from your family, you say "I'm fine." The mistreatment continues and you are less capable of dealing with it thanks to the depression. The pleadings from your family get louder, but you are too ashamed to admit that you were wrong or needed help.
What can we do? Be the person that your loved ones, colleagues, and friends can be vulnerable with. When they say "I'm fine" answer with "How are you really?"
Model your own vulnerability - it's contagious in small groups.
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Divorce is hard enough, why go through it alone?
